Baby, I'm a Vampire
by Amy Lyn
Summary: Well, what if Edward didn't try to stay away from Bella? What if they started dating, but she thought that he was human? How will he tell her the truth? Mix in gossip circles and Emmett's new "puppy". Sound like something you want to read? Good. Read it.
1. Chapter 1

Baby, I'm a Vampire

Baby, I'm a Vampire

I really can explain

No, I'm not related to Dracula

I've never been in a horror movie

Hollywood isn't a textbook, love.

Yes, my family is, too.

Emmett's dog?

Little Fluffy?

Yes, he bites

I'll explain later.

Yes, I drink blood

No, I won't eat your father

No matter how much I'd like to

It's only animal blood

On the bright side

We don't have to cook

You could say we eat out.

I don't own a bed

You noticed?

We don't sleep

Yes, that does have something to do with it

Glitter? Sometimes.

In the sun.

No, it doesn't burn

Conversation starter?

No, I never thought of that.

How old am I?

Seventeen.

Oh alright,

One hundred and seven.

By the way,

I read minds

Loved that fantasy

The one on the beach

Yes, that one.

I'm only kidding, love!

I'd have liked to have seen that fantasy

Now that you mention it.

But I can't read your mind

Yes, it is weird.

Besides that, though,

We're perfectly normal.

And since we're on the subject,

**Will you marry me?**


	2. Chapter 2

I think that a lot of people thought that this was a one shot. WRONG! I fully intend to make it a multi chapter story. And yes, I will explain Emmett's puppy, who is named Fluffy.

Please read on! And if you don't review (yes I'm talking to you!) I will not update. The continueation of this story rests in YOUR hands!

Baby, I'm a Vampire

Baby, I'm a Vampire

Chapter 1

I couldn't believe it! I couldn't believe that I, Bella Swan, who had never had a serious relationship in her life, now had the best boyfriend ever. I couldn't believe that I had the perfect boyfriend.

He is brilliant, thoughtful, kind, considerate, and it just so happens that he is also the most attractive man in the history of the world. Every girl in Forks, no, every female on the planet, was turning absolutely green with envy. That is, they would be if they had seen him. And he belonged to me.

So what if he was just a little bit strange? It really wasn't all that bad. He was always cold, but he probably just had circulation problems. He was hard as granite, but that's what they meant when they said "rock hard abs" or whatever, wasn't it? Who cared about stuff like that when he was perfect?

It did kind of bother me that he gently, but firmly steered me away from his family. I didn't think that it was because they disapproved. I mean, a couple of his siblings smiled at me. Sometimes. And Alice had even tried to talk to me once. Before she could, though, he had shown up and rushed me to my next class with the excuse that I shouldn't be late. I wasn't. I arrived more than three minutes before anybody else.

I was thinking about all of this while I sat at my computer and tried to focus on checking my e- mail. Edward (my perfect boyfriend) stood behind me and played absently with my hair. It was more than likely that that had something to do with why I couldn't focus.

"Sweetheart, I know the computer is slow but you don't have to operate at a similar speed," he hinted, tickling my nose with the ends of my hair.

I groaned. I knew that he was right, I needed to e – mail my mom before she flipped out and called the FBI or something. But I needed to deal with our problem before it got any bigger.

Now, if ever, was the time to bring it up. I hoped that it would be the last time and all the while knowing that it wouldn't be.

I sighed. "Edward, I was thinking . . ." I trailed off, unsure how to continue.

"Always dangerous. You should be more careful, love," Edward teased.

"Be nice to me!" I really wasn't upset, he was so cute when he . . . well, he was always so cute.

"Sorry, go on."

"I want to meet your family. You keep promising that we're serious, but you've never introduced me. And it doesn't seem fair that you practically live here and I've never even been to your house," I tried to be persuasive. So much for that.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"But Edward . . ."

"No."

"Why not?" I demanded.

"Because I live in a family of psychotic serial killers that prey primarily on my girlfriends. They're wanted in 53 states. Now if you will please drop the subject, I will be much happier," Edward sighed.

"Honestly, Edward, don't you know me better than that?" I smiled up at him. "I refuse to drop the subject until I meet every member of your family. And I don't believe for one minute that they are psychotic serial killers or anything of the sort."

"I really wish that you would give up," Edward growled.

"And I really wish that you would give in, so I guess that we're even," I retorted.

I hated fighting with Edward. It always made him so grumpy. It was hard on me too. I was always afraid that he would throw up his hands and storm off, never to return. It hadn't happened yet, but it could.

I sighed. Another battle lost. Wasn't the _woman_ supposed to win all the fights?

**I love that last line!**


	3. Chapter 3

Hi! Please enjoy this chapter, but, for the record, Bella is not obsessed with the wild west, I am.

Sorry it's short but that's how I roll, I mean write. Whatever.

So read it and then review it!

Baby, I'm a Vampire

Baby, I'm a Vampire

Chapter 2

Alright, so what if I couldn't win a fight with Edward. What could I say, he cheated. It should be illegal for a man that beautiful to . . . well it should just be illegal for a man to be that beautiful, period.

So if I couldn't win a fight against him, I would just have to skip the fight. Of course, that was easier said than done, but I had a plan.

I went to sleep the night before I was to put my plan in action worrying about what Edward's reaction would be. I hoped that he wouldn't be too angry. I was really scared that he would be. He had tried so hard to keep me away from his family and here I was, undermining him. But it was completely ridicules. I mean, his family was not a bunch psychotic serial killers. At least I didn't think that they were. I hoped that they weren't. That would be bad.

Maybe he had a really good reason for keeping me away.

Maybe they were part of some strange cult.

Maybe they were addicts.

Maybe they _were_ serial killers.

Maybe his father wanted to use me to test out some new medicine and Edward didn't want him to.

Maybe they were cannibalistic.

Maybe . . .

Maybe . . .

Maybe . . .

I shook myself mentally. I was being completely ridicules. Of course they weren't any of those things. I was sleep deprived and stressed. I was also exploring the possibility that I was crazy. That would explain a lot of things.

Maybe they were fugitives and they were going to kidnap me and take me with them and force me to marry Edward (not that I completely objected) and I would have to help them rob banks and hold up trains and stage coaches and I would have to hold the horses while they stole whiskey from the saloon and . . .

Whoa! That was way overboard!

The crazy was starting to seem like more than a possibility. How did I go from fugitives to Wild West? And if we were in the Wild West then we would be outlaws instead of fugitives anyway. And I doubted that the horses could outrun the police cars . . .

Darn! I was doing it again!

But really, Edward's family couldn't be that bad. It wasn't like they were vampires or anything!

I had to throw that last bit in there, didn't you love it?! So please review!


	4. Chapter 4

Hi! Sorry it took me so long to review. People complain about my short chapters so here is the deal: you can either have quick updates OR longer chapters. Let me know. It's still not all that long.

Please review and tell your buddies to review because I love reviews!

When reading this chapter please keep in mind that Edward is over protective. Way over protective. If you think I went a little bit over board on his reaction . . . Sorry! Hope that you like it!

Baby, I'm a Vampire

Baby, I'm a Vampire

Chapter 3

I had had a wild night.

To sum it up, I had dreamed of robbing a train and then riding off towards Dodge City. In the middle of that ride Edward had turned into Jesse James and we argued because I was in love with Edward, not Jesse James! And I absolutely refused to ride off into the sunset with anybody but my Edward.

I was tired. And today was going to be very stressful. I walked out to my truck and started it up, effectively waking the entire town of Forks and possibly the whole Olympic Peninsula. Then I pulled out the map of Forks that I had printed off the internet. I was the definition of anxious as I drove through town. I had carefully planned the whole route. I still drove around for almost three hours before I found the road through the trees. It was like they didn't want any visitors.

I turned off anxiously. It wound for a long way through the trees. With every turn of the wheels I grew more nervous. I really hoped that Edward wouldn't be too mad at me. Granted, he put up with a lot, but there had to be a limit and I was fairly sure that I was going to cross it sometime today.

I finally came to a clearing with a huge white house. It could have been a mansion. I wasn't sure where the dividing line between the two fell. It was an old house, but it was in great condition. It was incredible. But then again, what about the Cullens wasn't?

I drove up to it and shut off my truck. I barely managed to climb out with out falling on my face. My hands were shaking. I was afraid to look up, and sure enough, Edward was standing on the porch.

His face was whiter than usual, his teeth were clenched, and his hands were curled into tight fists. I gulped.

He started down the steps with agonizingly slow steps. Some where inside the house I heard a dog barking, other than that it was completely silent. Even voices inside would have made me feel better. I knew what the marshals in western movies felt like, with him coming towards me and absolutely no sound what so ever. I really didn't want to face down Edward. I tried to stay calm.

"Hello, Edward," I managed.

"Bella." His voice was nearly a snarl.

"I love your house. It's beautiful," I tried to sound like I was completely terrified. I had never seen him like this before, he was usually so sweet and caring and unshakable. Now he was furious and terrifying. He didn't reply, so I went on. "I didn't know you had a dog." I leaned curiously around Edward, trying to see.

"His name is Fluffy!" a voice yelled from inside the house; I guessed that it was Emmett. It only made Edward madder.

"Isabella Marie Swan, get into that truck right now!" Edward growled.

"No!" Something about his commanding tone set off my natural teenage instincts to be contrary. "Edward Cullen, I will get into that truck when I want to and no sooner. I know for a fact that you are NOT my mother."

Emmett had come outside and he was holding the collar of a beautiful German Shepard. I assumed that that was Fluffy. I started to step around Edward but he was there, blocking my path again. I looked up at him sharply.

"Will you please step out of my way? I came to see your family," I told him.

"Isabella," he was using me full name, which was never good, "Isabella, I kept you away from family on purpose and you know that. I asked you to respect that. And now you show up at my home. Do you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you, Edward," I whispered. Now that the accusation was coming I was scared.

"Then why couldn't you trust that I had a good reason for keeping you away from my family?" Edward asked. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.

"I wanted to meet them. It's silly that you won't let me. And I won't leave until I meet them," I raised my chin defiantly.

He grabbed me by the waist and nearly threw me into my truck. I was shocked and scared. This was not my gentle Edward. He buckled me into the seat roughly.

"Go home," he snarled. "Go home, Isabella. And stay there. You will never come to this house again, do you understand me? Never!" He slammed the door violently.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I whispered, fighting back tears. "I should have known that I would screw this up!" I started my truck thunderously and drove away.

He hadn't said that we were over, but he had been a long way from saying that we would still be together after today.


	5. Chapter 5

Baby, I'm a Vampire

Baby, I'm a Vampire

Chapter 4

I watched Bella drive away as fast as that decrepit old truck would go. I was angry; more at myself than at Bella. It was shockingly hard to be mad at Bella. I had upset her and I knew it. I felt terrible! I was a monster in more ways than one. What if she wouldn't forgive me? If I had gone to far this time?

I couldn't bear it. It was silly that such a weak human could have such a strong hold, but she did. I needed her. She meant so much to me and yet here I was upsetting her!

"Edward, there's nothing you can do right now. Give her some time to cool off and then take her flowers. Get down on your knees and beg her to forgive you for every unkind thing you have ever done in your life. When she smiles and says she's sorry tell her that you're sorrier and you don't deserve her. She'll tell you that she loves you and you'll kiss her until she's bright red and can't breathe. And on Friday night you'll take her to that new restaurant in Port Angeles and she'll be back to thinking that you're the best, sweetest, most perfect boyfriend in the history of the world," Alice called from an upstairs window.

"Will that really work?"

"Of course it will, Edward. I know these things. And Bella is very predictable." And how could I not trust Alice?

I turned back towards the house. Emmett was still standing on the porch. Who better to take my anger out on than Emmett? He hadn't helped the situation any. Besides, I couldn't really tear myself apart. Emmett read my face for a moment and then raced inside with Fluffy on his heels.

"Mommy!" he yelled as he ran through the house. "Mommy! Edward's gonna hurt me, Mommy! Help! Help! I don't wanna die!"

Well if nothing else, he was a good distraction. I would go see Bella tonight and in the mean time I would hide Emmett's arm under the house, again.

"You can run but you can't hide Emmy! On second thought you can't even run, I'm faster." I chased him out the back and across the river. "Come on, Emmett, come back and face it like a man!"

"No way, bro! I already missed a week of school when you hid my arm the last time!" Emmett shouted back. "You have no idea how hard it is to explain that sort of thing to a teacher."

"Ha! You're past being so lucky! I'm going to tear a leg off and hide it in Mexico. You'll have to hop around the whole country to find it. It could be months!"

"Man, Eddy, I really didn't think you were that cruel! I swear I thought you were nicer than that."

"Yeah right, Emmett, as if you wouldn't do the same thing. Besides, I am nice. Maybe your acquaintances in Mexico will help you!"

"But really, Edward, when are you going to have time to run to Mexico and back? You have to go see Bella tonight." Emmett was panicking. I was only feet behind him. But he did have a point.

"I'll hide it under the house until tomorrow," I said as I brought him mercilessly to the ground.


	6. Chapter 6

Hey! I'm back. Sorry it took so long!

Can I say one thing? I have seen dozens of stories that say things like "I'm writing this as my version of Breaking Dawn for closure because the real one sucked". I hate that. So, you know what, if you had had a dream about a human and a vampire in a clearing and written a book called Dusk or something, you could do whatever the heck you wanted with it. But you didn't. So as far as I'm coserned you can sit down, shut up, and take your medicine.

That's my own opinion. I personally love Breaking Dawn. It's okay if you didn't, everyone can have their own opinion, but don't be a jerk about it.

Anyway! Enjoy this chapter.

Baby, I'm a Vampire

Baby, I'm a Vampire

Chapter 5

I sat alone in my room and cried. I had been crying for awhile now but I had that right, didn't I? To cry because I'd had a fight with the best boyfriend in the world?

_Knock, knock._

I jumped. Who was knocking on the door? I wiped away my tears and headed down the stairs.

_Knock, knock, knock._

"I'm coming!" I called. Wow, they were impatient. I yanked the door open. "Edward!?"

He stood in the door looking incredible with a bouquet of pink and yellow roses in one hand and a bouquet of lavender and freesia in the other. He put the bouquets in my hands. And then he dropped to his knees.

"Edward," I said nervously, "what are you doing?"

"Bella, my love, I am so sorry. I'm sorry that I was sharp. I'm sorry that I hurt you in any way. I'm sorry that I broke that vase wrestling with Emmett after Esme told us to go outside. I'm sorry that we stole Alice's best red heels and tied them to the library flag pole. I'm sorry that we posted that picture on the internet, the one of Jasper's. . ."

"Edward!" I interrupted, half laughing, "its okay. I'm sorry that I came to your house after you told me not to. I'm sorry I didn't trust you."

"I'm sorrier. I never meant to hurt your feelings. I lost my temper. I'm so sorry! I don't deserve some one as sweet and beautiful and wonderful as you," Edward said, still on his knees on my doorstep.

"I love you," I said timidly. He grinned and got to his feet. He pulled me tightly against his chest and kissed me. A lot. He only took his lips from mine when I started to get dizzy. My face was hot with a bright blush.

"Clear your schedule for Friday night. I'm taking you to the new restaurant in Port Angeles. It's not optional," he told me firmly.

I kissed him again. I had the best, sweetest, most perfect boyfriend in the world. I drew back a little.

"Edward," my voice was accusing, "I'm mad at you!"

He looked so upset. "What did I do wrong, Bella?" he was anxious.

"Edward, you squished my pretty flowers!" He laughed at me and pulled me up for another kiss.


End file.
